I thought it would get easier with time.
I thought that these good-byes would lose their sting, that driving away would become more manageable.
Much to my surprise, I was wrong.
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I thought it would get easier with time. I thought that these good-byes would lose their sting, that driving away would become more manageable. Much to my surprise, I was wrong.
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Every once in a while, things make sense. I'll call that sensation clarity. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen very often - and it typically doesn't last very long - but it sure feels good when it comes! But it's like grabbing the air. As much as I want to hold onto it, it quickly slips away. Suddenly, the clarity is gone and I'm back to my wondering. I'm pretty sure that my life would be quite a bit different if I could only live more securely in that world of clarity. Life is so much better when I can be relatively certain about all those questions of identity and purpose and direction. What are we here for? What difference does it make? How are we to live? What are we to value? Who are we? We made it to New York in time for the play. After our unplanned stay in Detroit, we flew into sunny and breezy White Plains. Roads were generally clear, but the piles of snow here are worthy of the midwest. There are some cars on the shoulders of roads that are so covered with snow that they probably won't be going anywhere until early summer. Naturally, more snow is coming in today. No, this probably wasn't the ideal weekend to be in New York. But we came for the play, and we didn't have much to say about the timing. It looks like one of those sayings on the little valentine heart candies: HE>i. When we first saw HE>i on a t-shirt in Hawaii, we thought that maybe it was a logo for a surfing equipment company. Once we figured it out, however, we were captivated. We happened to be close to the HE>i retail outlet at the time, so we paid them a visit and made some purchases. I'll be wearing my HE>i t-shirts as often as a I can. People who live in northern Michigan pride themselves on being independent. When we moved here seven years ago, we were told about that independence as soon as we arrived. And we have certainly found that to be true; people in northern Michigan really are pretty independent. But the same thing is true for people in northern California . . . and in the rural south . . . and on the East Coast. The same thing is true for the people I've met in Europe and in Africa. Now that I think about it, I think it's pretty much true for everybody . . . everywhere. Simply put, human beings strive to be independent. That feels good - and it's something that most of us want. All the same, it's not bad for us to be reminded that we simply can't survive without one another. I often find myself wondering about things that probably shouldn't occupy my time - things that I should probably just leave in God's hands. But I can't really help myself. One of the things I sometimes think about is what kind of an impact my life has had. I'm hoping that other people think about their lives that way too. Whether or not that's a common question for other people, though, I know that it's a common question for me. Despite naming my blog "searching for insignificance," I confess that I still find myself wanting to make a difference. When the airline ticket agent was redoing our tickets after our missed flight a few days ago, she suddenly looked up. She seemed completely confused as she said to us: "You're flying to Honolulu - and coming home on the 10th?" She was confused because it was already the 7th - and because we were still in Detroit at the time. I think she wanted to say something else, but she graciously restrained herself. My guess is that she was thinking something like this: people simply don't do things like that. Or maybe even: what's wrong with you people? The last time I was in Hawaii was quite a few years ago. During that visit, I was privileged to spend time with a pastor here who was just about ready to retire. Over the years, this pastor had been a gracious and affirming presence in my life. He was quite a bit older than I was, but his gentle and kind spirit was a great encouragement to me. On this last visit, this dear pastor friend and his wife took me to their new retirement beach house on the north shore of Oahu. We spent several hours there. Years later, I still remember the visit. I suppose that I'm a product of my upbringing. We all are. What that means for me, among other things, is that I have very specific ways to measure and evaluate my use of time. I can identify a productive day. And I can identify a day that doesn't result in much good. I can tell the difference. At least, I think I can. As comfortable as those categories are, however, I am also aware that I can be completely wrong in my judgments. Even as I do my measuring and evaluating, I would probably be wise simply to leave those assessments in God's hands. I suspect that some of my best days really haven't led to much good. And I suspect that some of the days that I would dismiss as pointless weren't really pointless at all. I would be better off simply withholding my judgment. Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" Isaiah 6:8 But you are a chosen people . . . 1 Peter 2:9 Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that followers of Jesus are volunteers. In truth, we aren't volunteers at all. If we follow Jesus, we are people called by God, people chosen by him to serve.
It is, of course, Jesus' hope that we will respond to his invitation - but that is not the same thing as volunteering. In other words, there are no volunteers among Jesus' followers. |